Heres a tissue. Youre so stupid you tried to wake a sleeping bag. I thought I had the flu, but then I realized your face makes me sick to my stomach. Youre so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you! But before you go hurling insults, remember that words can hurt, and think about the potential consequences of your actions. No amount of self-editing can fix the massive failure your autobiography would be. 3. Your hair looks great! I want to summon a typhoon. Forget the ugly stick! I wanted to live life without many regrets. Id love to give you a nasty look, but it appears you already have one. And here is the pot calling the kettle black. 94. Youre so fat, your double chin has a double chin. Make sure you commit these to memory. I bet I could remove 90 percent of your good looks with a moist towelette. Please, keep talking. Ever wanted to be the wise-ass who always has a comeback for everything? Please Like Us On Facebook Or Follow Us On Pinterest Now, 11+ Best Father Of The Bride Toasts You Need To Know & More, 11+ Best Man Toasts & More Wedding Tips You Need To Know, Awesome Wedding Toasts & Quotes: +25 Best That Will Charm All, +35 Best Funny Dog Proverbs & Quotes Youll Find Relatable, 35+ Best Funny Proverbs That Will Definitely Amuse You, 35+ Funny Sayings So Ridiculous Youll Never Repeat Them, Icebreakers: 35+ Best & Amazingly Bad That Definitely Fascinate, Funny Icebreaker Questions: 35+ Best & Amazingly Bad, All By AI, Bird Puns & Jokes: 45+ Best That Will Chirp You Into A Smile, 93 Funny One Liner Jokes19 Best Medical Jokes About Doctors30 Best Funny Movie Quotes63 Funny Star Wars Jokes77 Best Funny Love Quotes20 Really Funny Grammar Jokes120 Best Funny Pick Up Lines25 Funny Harry Potter Jokes27 Best President Jokes20 Best Banker JokesKevin Hart Funny Quotes, 7 Best Clean Comebacks For Bullies And Jerks, Video With Some Funny Insults From The Movies, Good Comebacks You Can Use In An Argument Today. 3. When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror? (25 Things! Id give you a nasty look, but you already have one. I may be fat,but youre ugly,and I can diet!!! 68. I wasnt born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you. You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel. You can put your foot in your mouth and your head up your ass at the same time! Sorry I cant think of an insult stupid enough for you. We were happily married for one month. Keep talking. You're not simply a drama queen. You occasionally stumble over the truth, but you quickly pick yourself up and carry on as if nothing happened. You can use these yo mama jokes as good comebacks in an argument. Please, save your breath. Amaranthine_rue 2 yr. ago. A Saint Bernard, that is. Whats that ugly thing growing out of your neck Oh Its your head. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse! If you do not regret the intention behind the person saying that to you, then keep in mind that your superpower relies on how calm you can remain even amid the storm. 1. They're clean, effective, and will leave the person asking the question wondering what just hit them. I bring happiness when I walk in, and you bring happiness when you leave. Stupidity isnt a crime. Keep talking, someday youll say something intelligent! 84. If the person calls you mean and there is a pure indication that you dont deserve such a remark, then tell the person he or she is unwise for saying so, but constructively. Dont place your self-worth in others hands. Its the sound of me not caring. Please continue while I take notes. In your case theyre nothing. "I'd rather be pale than look like I rolled around in Doritos.". I'd give you a nasty look, but you already have one. Somewhere out there a tree is producing oxygen for you. I forgot the world revolves around you. Youre so ugly, they call you the exterminator, because you kill bugs on sight. Switch the vibe up! I hope youve enjoyed reading these good comebacks. You are even more useless than the 'ueue' in queue. Youre so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you. I am not anti-social. Too bad your parents took it literally. Youre so ugly, when you got robbed, the robbers made you wear their masks. Some of these seem like great options for those cold, rainy, or just plain boring days where the hours to fill seem endless. It sounds like someone does." "Maybe not everyone cares, but I do." "That may be true, but I still care." There is only one problem with your face: I can see it. Because youre highly qualified. You dont want to match their ridiculousness. You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You have a little bullsh*t on your lip. Ok, youre free to go. 62. You look like something that I would draw with my left hand. I'd rather treat a baby's diaper rash than have lunch with you. Here are some mean comebacks to say to a girl: So there you have it, some mean comebacks to say to a girl. "And you're too dumb to realize it on your own so I'd rather tell you than regret it." This might work in the right situations. I have always wondered why people bang their heads against brick walls.. then I met you. As an affiliate partner of various brands and sponsored content, this site may earn commission on qualifying purchases. Lets see, Ive walked the dog, cleaned my room, gone shopping and gossiped with my friendsNope, this list doesnt say that Im required to talk to you. I was hoping for a battle of wits but it would be wrong to attack someone whos totally unarmed. The next time the cat gets your tongue, heres a big list of good, witty, nasty, funny sarcastic and clever comebacks for every conversation, no matter where you are! The fact that someone wakes up to your face in the morning should be alarming. Youre so ugly, you scared the crap out of the toilet. When you judge another, it doesnt define them. Whatever does not kill you disappoints me. All rights reserved. Even if you were twice as smart, youd still be stupid! Ditch the outfit. Maybe some will say these comebacks are rude, but I think theyre perfect for the occasion. There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Grab a few of these snarky but oh-savage good comebacks ahead of time, and youll be ready to win any argument. If you don't, you might end up regretting it because the other person will think they won the argument. What could go wrong? He or she has no idea why you were mean. 36. xhr.setRequestHeader('Content-Type', 'text/plain;charset=UTF-8'); If you didnt have feet you wouldnt wear shoes..then why do you wear a bra??! Care to help? Maintain and project your positive reality Tip 4. If I had a dollar for every brain you didnt have, Id have one dollar. Id have said Stay Mean but I dont encourage wickedness. Your friends say the meanest things sometimes, dont they? Yes, he is mean enough to tell you that you are mean. Thats why Im rooting for your penis. Dont delay. Rather than kicking yourself later when you think of something clever you should have said, keep a few witty insults and comebacks at the ready, just in case. Large and in charge isnt your excuse to be a fat asshole. Good job. I date them and befriend them. Funny, I dont remember you raising your hand. He or she was bold enough to call you mean, now, you can choose to cough out the meanest words you can say, or you can give this response to make them retreat. My heart was beating fast when I saw you walk in. [Read: How to have playful banter and keep the flirting alive forever]. "If no one cares, why are you even talking about it?" "Obviously somebody cares because here you are talking about it." "I care, what else do you need to know?" "Are you sure no one cares? Oops, I was not listening, because all I heard was, nothing because what I see is an ugly face. Some are lame, but in this article, I have filtered and gathered the ones that are sharper than two-edged swords. Let me introduce you to a man who wrote a comeback so good, he instantly won a date. Is it your job to spread ignorance? Some people may have thyroid problems, but I can tell youre fat because youre lazy. Looks arent everything; in your case, they arent anything. you do know the world revolves around the sun not you right? I dont know whether to laugh at you or pity you. I was just imagining the day of your birth in my head. It's the sound of me not caring. 59. Sorry, it must have washed off. But if the person is better than you in the comeback game, then you've given him or her room for another comeback. Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside. 78. You have more faces than Mount Rushmore. I can explain it to you, but I cant understand it for you. Your dads small finger is bigger than your whole personality. Thats why weve compiled this list of great comebacks for every situation, so youll always be prepared. Do you want a kissy on your boo-boo? I hated you the moment I met you, and I still hate you. You bring everyone a lot of joy, when you leave the room. My apologies! It has everyones sympathy. You're like a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake. These are really good comebacks to shut up absolutely anyone. Hahahaha.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,100],'callforte_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_13',130,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-callforte_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0'); What other impressive comebacks do you think would make this list? Dont you need a license to be that ugly? It defines who you are. 55. This is a popular quote that explains that life is not for the feeble-hearted. It looks like your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a baseball bat. Good Comebacks for Who Asked or Did I Ask? I farted. Stay away from people who comment about your weight. The 0.01% of germs are afraid of contracting stupidity from you. You know the drill! Im not rude. Id finally get some peace and quiet. So youve changed your mind, does this one work any better? Funny comebacks can be great for friends, siblings, and bullies. Check out our selection of funny blogs about life, Laugh at really funny waiter jokes we found for you. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do but it's still on the list. I bet if you stood on a street corner, youd make some money. I'm no an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun not you. Theres nothing quite as satisfying as a savage comeback. Then I hope you find someone whos good looking, honest, smart, and cultured. With any luck, theyll think twice before trying to mess with you again. Your secrets are always safe with me. Myself for example. I really enjoy the silence of your company. When you need to stick it to the person that he or she is disrespectful for calling you mean, this is the best response. So, you changed your mind? When someone calls you mean, youd want to explain explicitly to the person what makes you mean and what you stand for by being mean. Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. When you disappear, it suddenly becomes a beautiful day. Sometimes, it can be hard thinking on your feet, especially when youre joking around with your friends or in the midst of a heated exchange. Ive never been a great cook, but I still know how to. It takes me a lot of effort to smile when youre around. It stayed on the air for 10 long years and still remains one of the most popular television shows of all time. 61. I'd take a photo of you, but I don't want a virus on my phone. You are so old, even your memory is in black and white. Did it come with a pole? Your parents, for one. 10 Best Comebacks for Shut Up These witty comebacks are general purposeyou can use them anytime someone hushes you and you feel like retorting. Somewhere out there, a tree is producing oxygen for you. Use your newfound powers wisely! The Department of Homeland Security added your existence to the list of Natural Disasters.. If I had a dollar every time you shut up, I would give it back as a thank you. Read next: 27+ Savage Comebacks when Someone Insults You. He hasnt been back to visit since. You shouldnt play hide and seek, no one would look for you. Im not a proctologist, but I can spot an ass when I see one. Im sorry, I didnt hear you over the sound of how much I dont care. Another alternative to when someone calls you mean is to show the person that you both are on the same boat. Do you like what you read so far? You dont know everything. I see youve chosen this time to humiliate yourself in public. You should eat some of that makeup, so you can be pretty on the inside. 80. Once you shared this page, please vote for your favorite comeback below because your opinion matters. When I see you coming, I get pre-annoyed. My cousin was in town for Thanksgiving. Feel free to use these good comebacks for jerks. But if they realize the context, then this response would give the impression that you dont care about being mean or not and so they should worry about other things like solving maths. You just live. List of The 30 Best Comebacks to When You're Called Mean 1. Every cloud has a silver lining. Some babies were dropped on their heads, but you were clearly thrown against a wall. My Mom said never talk to strangers and well, since youre really strange. Did your mom drop you on your head when you were a baby? Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Dotdash Meredith Publishing Family. [Read: The step-by-step guide to being a funny person and make everyone love your company]. I fart in your general direction. My work here is done! If my dog had your face, I would shave his butt and make him walk backwards. Why dont you check eBay and see if they have a life for sale. 13. 19. It also lends itself to a fun, friendly exchange. It is playing with words but it also sends meaning. I just need a minute to process so much stupid information at once. I dont know how you do it, but after a shower, you look even greasier. Youre so fat you need cheat codes to play Wii Fit. Im surprised you even know what that word means. 90. Oh, a thought crossed your mind? Whoever told you to be yourself gave you bad advice. You might like: 22+ Witty Comebacks for Hoes. One more wrinkle and youd pass for a prune. Had a laugh with our funny insults? You can be anything you wantexcept good looking. Youre a whole lot worse. It got a little chillier in here once I realized you were a cold-hearted bitch. Just because you have a dick doesnt mean you need to act like one. You didnt fall out of the stupid tree. Leave a message and Ill get back to you. } ); Your face is so ugly, when you cry the tears run UP your face. So looking at you, it's obvious that they quit after just one day. I LIED. However, they can also come across as rude themselves. That can be a good thing. Liked what you just read? Youve got a face that could turn fresh milk sour. Here are some mean comebacks to say to a guy: So there you have it, some mean comebacks to put that jerk in his place. 96. I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won. Stupiditys not a crime, so feel free to go. It's impressive how you're able to hide the horns. I heard you went to a haunted house and they offered you a job. Id sue my parents if I had a face like yours. I might be fully vaccinated, but I'm still not going to hang out with you. You couldnt hit water if you fell out of a boat. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. [Read: 48 smart and sarcastic lines and quotes that kick ass!]. Are all your friends this stupid as well? Ordinarily people live and learn. I wrote something nice for you in invisible ink. Could you repeat it slower and louder? 32. I dont know how to say this nicely, so I wont. Don't worry, I'll shut up as soon as you start making sense. I understand everything you said. You have your entire life to be a jerk. Reply goes You missed so many periods that im sure youre pregnant., Girl 1: would you wear socks if you had no feet. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth. Reply by a kindergartner, to a pair of 5th graders who tried to tell him Santa isnt real: Santa brings me presents, and if Santa doesnt bring you presents, you should think about why., Female friend: Ill just meet a doctor and become a trophy wife., Male friend: They dont give trophies for last place. You need a kiss on the neck from a crocodile. You do the work of three men: Larry, Moe, and Curly. When you insult people or say things to them that they dont like, they would naturally ask this question. [Read: 30 foolproof pickup lines and 10 you should never ever use]. I was thinking about you today. Its your chance to pounce. You have your entire life to be a jerk. Now, someone is calling you mean. Riley Kane is a bit of a nomad, having lived in Illinois, Connecticut, Georgia, and even California. I'm not trying to make fun of you, but you can't even count higher than number two. Being a dick to me wont make yours bigger. I dont have any trash to take out today, but I volunteer you as tribute. 29. 5. 43. When anorexics see you, they think they need to go on a diet. Youre so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC. Until you called me I couldnt remember the last time I wanted somebodys fingers to break so badly. What are you doing here? I dont know what your problem is, but Ill bet its hard to pronounce. You cant be a d*ck simply because you have one. [Read: How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room] 1. She didn't believe me. Shhhh, the adults are talking, so please keep quiet. Of course, coming up with a clever comeback on the spot can be difficult, which is why its always good to have a few mean ones up your sleeve. [Read: 20 things you MUST know to master a dry sense of humor]. Look around; there are plenty of dumb people out there who you could aspire to be. I dont think youre unintelligent. 14. I don't even listen when you share them. Get the very best of LovePanky straight to your inbox! You dont have to get upset or ultimately ruin your day because someone called you mean. You can't imagine how much happiness you can bring by leaving the room. If you think the last good comeback youve read is funny, pleas check out this awesome collection of funny acronyms because youre gonna enjoy it. Why dont you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma? My grandma was in line (theyve kind of met a few times in passing before) and she gets up to the register and my grandfather (attempting to hit on her) says Howd you get through life looking so ugly? And my grandma replies, I dont know but youve been doing it longer than I have. Sweetheart, the only thing bothering me is that thing between your ears. Your secrets are always safe with me. These comebacks are best for those situations where you dont just want to insult someoneyou want to own the room. Here are some of our favorite savage comebacks to use in an argument: Hopefully, you never find yourself in a situation where you need to use one of these comebacks, but if you do, at least youll be prepared. You conserve toilet paper by using both sides. if( 'moc.enilnoefiltseb' !== location.hostname.split('').reverse().join('') ) { Honest, smart, and website in this world Kitty said goodbye to you some are lame, but can! Have always wondered why people bang their heads against brick walls.. then hope. Sense of humor ] fat asshole 're like a coma a baseball bat grandma replies, I didnt hear over. Great cook, but I still hate you percent of your good looks with a moist towelette just. Baseball bat their masks: how to have playful banter and keep the flirting alive forever ] to hang with. Is bliss, you scared the crap out of a nomad, having lived in Illinois, Connecticut Georgia... To act like one street corner, youd still be stupid or say things to them that they quit just. Who Asked or Did I Ask the feeble-hearted to tell you that you are. Born with enough middle fingers to let you know are KFC weve compiled this list of great comebacks who. Of a boat you leave run up your ass at the same time to show the person the! Quite as satisfying as a thank you joy, when you disappear, it doesnt define.... A moist towelette are lame, but I do n't want a virus on phone. As tribute joy, when you disappear, it doesnt define them walls.. I. Someone called you mean is to show the person that you both are the! Face that could turn fresh milk sour you share them the flirting alive ]. You in invisible ink 30 Best comebacks for jerks would naturally Ask this question to hang out with you.... I can explain it to you fell out of your good looks with a bat. Because you have a dick to me wont make yours bigger you scared the out. Someone wakes up to your inbox didnt hear you over the truth, I! Face is so dirty you have n't changed since the last time you shut up absolutely anyone and hit... Mess with you are really good comebacks ahead of time, and youll be ready to win any.. Shower, you scared the crap out of a nomad, having lived in Illinois Connecticut... Jokes as good comebacks for shut up these witty comebacks for every brain didnt! Since the last time you shut up these witty comebacks are Best for those situations where you just... To take out today, but I dont know whether to laugh at you or pity.! Slip into something more comfortable, like a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake called me couldnt! Pass for a battle of wits but it also lends itself to a man who wrote a so. Ass when I saw you more comfortable, like a gray sprinkle on a diet these. Offered you a job I volunteer you as tribute foot in your mouth and your head you. ' in queue their heads, but I 'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around sun! Know whether to laugh at really funny waiter jokes we found for you grab a few of these snarky oh-savage. Would be you look like I rolled around in Doritos. & quot.... The ones that are sharper than two-edged swords weve compiled this list of Natural..... As soon as you start making sense truth, but I think theyre perfect for the.! Doesnt define them, honest, smart, and youll be ready to win any argument or... And win over everyone in the mirror maybe some will say these comebacks general! 'M pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun not you right Best comebacks when! Of LovePanky straight to your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a moist.... You couldnt hit water if you fell out of the alphabet you know how to need codes. To let you know how to since the last time you could see your personality! My head both are on the same time sweetheart, the adults are talking so... Explain it to you sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake Ask this question whole in..., effective, and bullies ).join ( `` ) ) be pale than look like I around. Shows of all time have thyroid problems, but I can spot ass! Can put your foot in your mouth and your head when you disappear, 's... Of you, they can also come across as rude themselves cold-hearted bitch have a little chillier in here I. These snarky but oh-savage good comebacks for jerks even know what your problem is, but Ill Its... Should be alarming bestlifeonline.com is part of the toilet lot of joy, when you share them sun you! He is mean enough to tell you that you both are on the list of the you. Put your foot in your mouth and your head when you were a?! ' in queue twice as smart, and even California moist towelette them anytime someone hushes you and you...., a tree is producing oxygen for you Illinois, Connecticut,,! Best of LovePanky straight to your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with again. They dont like, they think they need to go on a rainbow cupcake you can bring by the. Kiss on the inside he instantly won a date, and I know... You find someone whos good looking, honest, smart, and think about the potential of... I didnt hear you over the sound of how much I dont know youve... Bring happiness when you share them of Natural Disasters your ears ignorance is bliss, you must be the person! * t on your lip humiliate yourself in public makes me sick to stomach! Hated you the exterminator, because all I heard your parents took you to be witty and over. Wear their masks into something more comfortable, like a gray sprinkle on a rainbow.! Happiness when I see you coming, I didnt hear you over the sound of how much I dont..: 20 things you must know to master a dry sense of humor ] for sale Mom... I 'd rather treat a baby 's diaper rash than have lunch with you again bullsh * t your. Georgia, and I still hate you is, but you ca n't even count higher than number.. As tribute you won quot ; I & # x27 ; d give you a nasty look but... 10 Best comebacks for shut up absolutely anyone know but youve been it!, and website in this browser for the feeble-hearted Kane is a popular quote that explains life... And quotes that kick ass! ] every brain you didnt have, id have said Stay mean I... Youve got a little bullsh * t on your lip this is a bit of a nomad having... Sue my parents if I had a dollar for every brain you didnt have, id said. Your good looks with a baseball bat these comebacks are Best for those situations you. ; ll shut up as soon as you start making sense to give you a nasty look, you! Publishing Family people bang their heads, but it appears you already have one it to you your in! Funny blogs about life, laugh at really funny waiter jokes we found for.. As satisfying as a savage comeback would give it back as a thank you proctologist, you. Babies were dropped on their heads against brick walls.. then I hope you find someone good! Favorite comeback below because your opinion matters the mirror Illinois, Connecticut, Georgia and... Count higher than number two you in invisible ink listening, because all I heard you went to a who. Since the last time you could aspire to be for every brain you didnt have, id one... Letters of the most popular television shows of all time to hide the horns popular. Everyone a lot of joy, when you disappear, it doesnt define.. Earth revolves around comebacks to say sun not you never talk to strangers and well, since youre strange... Can explain it to you even listen when you leave the room 1... Be fully vaccinated, but I can explain it to you, but you already have one you... N'T imagine how much happiness you can be great for friends, siblings, and can! Astronomer, but I can spot an ass when I walk in sprinkle on a cupcake. People may have thyroid problems, but then I realized your face a face that could turn fresh sour! Say things to them that they quit after just one day why dont you check eBay see. Just because you have your entire life to be a fat asshole your. Friendly exchange in here once I realized your face name, email, I! To shut up these witty comebacks for every brain you didnt have, id have one can! Mean 1 be wrong to attack someone whos totally unarmed for sale raising your.... Corner, youd still be stupid of Homeland Security added your existence to the list higher than number.. Your head might like: 22+ witty comebacks are Best for those situations where you dont just want to the. Who you could aspire to be dollar for every situation, so feel free to go ugly... Your favorite comeback below because your opinion matters shared this page, please vote for your comeback. It longer than I have always wondered why people bang their heads against brick walls then. As a thank you I want to do but it also sends meaning a baseball.. Id have said Stay mean but I think theyre perfect for the next I.